10 Ways To Survive Building Or Remodeling Your Home

10 Ways To Survive Building Or Remodeling Your Home
By Julie Lohmeier, Fri Dec 9th

1. Think of the project as a new diet. Who doesn’t want to loseat least five pounds? This is one way to do it. Between runningto stores all day and evening long, meeting with contractors,inspecting the work, searching the Western world for the perfectlight fixture, who has time to eat? Provided you don’t sabotagethis new, unorthodox diet plan, with McDonalds drive through,you’re good for losing five pounds. If you are a masochistictype who does some of the work yourself - whether it bepainting, laying tile, landscaping the yard - you can count onanother five to ten pounds of weight loss. Just think, you maybe miserable, frustrated, exhausted, and down right cynicalabout the good of the humankind, but your jeans will fit nicely!

2. Write checks as aerobic exercise.

These workouts are great for toning the wrist and fingers.Usually done in hectic spurts as you race out the door in themorning while the contractors are breathing down your neck andyour kids are beating each other with the lunch boxes you justprepared, the stress and frantic activity are sure to raise yourheartbeat for a good hour. Grumbling under your breath that theplumber, electrician, or you name it, isn’t really worth thismuch money adds greater intensity and calorie burn to thislittle publicized exercise regime.

3. Save money through shopping burnout.

Yes, even the most die-hard shopper will come to dread settingfoot in any store. This affliction starts innocently enough asyou go to look for light fixtures. How hard can it be? Hard!Either the light you want is being shipped from Yugoslavia andwon’t arrive until your youngest child buys his own home, or youjust can’t find the one you want. You’ll shop every lighting andelectrical store you know. You’ll search Home Depot. You’llhaunt hardware stores. And then there’s plumbing fixtures. Sinkcenters, faucet handles, finishes, special orders. What’s allthat about? And the cost. You’d think you were outfitting thepalace for a former third world dictator. Of course, there’scarpet, tile, hardwood, stairs, siding, windows. Enough already.And you thought it was a pain picking mints and sweet tabletreats for your wedding.

After your 1000th trip to Home Depot (or Lowes or Menards orwhatever), in addition to all the other trips you’ve made foritems that shouldn’t count as shopping (toilet seats, forexample), you’ve had it. Your friends won’t be able to bribe youto check out the latest sale at Bloomingdales. You’ll think itwill be better when you can pick out "fun" things like paint,wall paper, drapes, fabric, furniture ... but don’t bet on it.At this point, the pressure to make your home look likesomething other than an empty rat maze will counteract any joyin shopping. Spending this much money has never been such amiserable experience. As a result, when your home becomeshalf-way presentable, you’ll refuse to shop again - even forgroceries - for at least six months. The money you save duringthis shopping hiatus will be sufficient for you to resume thispreviously pleasurable past time once more without guilt.

4. Impress your friends with obscure facts.

Only someone that has built or remodeled their home can explainthe fluid dynamics of a proper toilet water swirl. Or cite theInternational Building Code that calls for no more than 6’between electrical outlets. Or brag that triple glazed windowsare really the wave of the future for light emitting devicetechnology. See what I mean? :)

5. Pride yourself on your new creative skills.

You’ll discover a creative side that you never knew existed.Like how to wash dishes in the bath tub. And how to make a fullcourse meal for a family of four using nothing more than atoaster and hot plate. Or how to fit an entire family in a housesmaller than your first apartment. They say that necessity isthe mother of invention. That’s probably true, but I also thinkthat the only thing that separates modern and pioneer life isjust one kitchen or bath remodeling project.

6. Yell at someone other than your kids - and not feel guilty.

Honestly, as a modern woman trying to juggle the running of ourhomes, possibly a job, and the future Olympic soccer aspirationsof our children, you have the primal need to yell. At someone.Anyone. Often our spouse and children suffer from this need ofours to release pent up negative energy generated from nothingmore than some miniature human leaving smelly gym shoes on thekitchen table. (Ok, that probably deserves a bit of yelling - weeat at this table!) But when you remodel your house, you have awhole cast of characters - and believe me, they’re characters -that often deserve a good scream from time to time. Like whenthey tell you that they tore out the fireplace because theydidn’t think it looked right. Or when they show you a mistakemade three weeks ago that now requires half the house to be torndown in order to fix. Yelling isn’t immature or a result of toomuch estrogen, it’s therapy.

7. Throw out (finally) your significant other’s treasured [fillin the blank] from his bachelor days.

You know what I mean. It could be the semi-nude poster he won’tget rid of. Or his collection of exotic beer cans. Or all of hisSports Illustrated magazines since the Chicago Bears last wonthe Superbowl. Now is the perfect time to get rid of it. If youneed to move out of your house while the remodeling is done, oryou are moving to a new home, such an opportune time may neveroccur again. Say it won’t fit in the rental house. It’s eitherthis or his golf clubs. Gently remind him that the sentimentalitem really serves as a reminder of his advancing years.Anything. Get rid of it. It will be one positive you can remindyourself of when the stress of remodeling makes you feel thatthis project was the biggest mistake of your life.

8. Grow closer to your family

through forced bathroom sharing.

The saying goes that absence makes the heart grow fonder.Perhaps that wise pundit had to share a closet sized bathroomwith three kids and a spouse. In reality, there’s no greater wayto create intimacy in a family than by all trying to get readyfor the morning in the same 7’x 5’ space. You’ll learn newexciting things about your children - like toilet paper ispurely optional for little boys. You’ll discover that there isno bond quite like the one created when the entire familybrushes their teeth together over the same sink. You’ll realizewhy the older generation of your relatives only washed theirhair once a week instead of facing communal bathroom time. Butmost importantly, you’ll no longer need to yell at your kids tohurry up for school - they’re standing right next to you.

9. Earn free flights from all of your purchases.

In what is admittedly (and somewhat sheepishly) the onlypractical survival tip on this list, get an airline mileagecredit card. Charge everything on it - lights, plumbingfixtures, windows, doors, lumber, carpet. The windows alone canget you close to one free trip. Whether you decide to share yourmiles with anyone else in the family or to escape on your own toa world of quiet solitude and, preferably, an open bar, isentirely up to you.

10. Hire some good looking contractors and feel like you’re 15years old again.

Hey, guys get a whole chain of restaurants and bars where themain attraction is busty waitresses in tight t-shirts (Hooters).Why can’t us gals have some eye candy once in a while? Besides,it’s a productivity tool. You’ll be more likely to inspect thejob or meet the architect if some young, fit, good-looking menare there - especially in the summer months when shirts tend tobecome optional. For example, we once hired a roofing crew ofmale model wannabees for a house we built. My husband calledthem the "Beefcake Roofers." They created quite a stir in theneighborhood that summer. Let me tell you, it made rushing tostop by the house to go over notes with the trades first thingin the morning a bit more interesting - and much more fun!

Finally, remember, the end result of your new house will beworth the aggravation of the process. Plus, think of all thegood stories you can tell!

About the author:A veteran of numerous home remodeling and building projects,Julie Lohmeier has seen the entire spectrum of home improvement.She shares her remodeling tips, home decorating ideas, and othervarious rants at www.myhomeredux.com?SRV_GO.

copyright 2005, Julie Lohmeier, www.myhomeredux.com

Use this report in its entirety with proper acknowledgement andcopyright.